Sweet spot

Been sick lately. Usually my body has no problem defending itself from light stuff like coughs and colds. My son got a cold and I managed to help his body beat it within a day or two. Full out assault with natural medicines to help his little body fight it off before it got a good hold of him. He started to cough this horrible barking type of cough about a week ago. The miracle cure was apple cider vinegar, which I gave to him warm with honey and organic apple juice. Luckily his body had no problem with it (I get burning in my belly if it take it too many days in a row)…and it kicked the crap out of the cough. I supplemented it with a bit of colloidal silver and a few doses of Vitamin C. Suffice to say that it was the perfect amounts at the perfect time and his body booted out what threatened to be a long and annoying illness (maybe would have lasted a week or two).

Right….so in the process I got sick. I took lots and lots of stuff including many doses of oil of oregano under my tongue – fun to see how long I can leave 3-4 drops there before I start crying in pain…..I’d explain the values of all these things but if anybody reading this really wants to find out I suggest doing the research on your own – I’m too lazy to do the links tonight. Now usually my body doesn’t get sick…at least it hasn’t in the past year or so since I started working on my mental and physical health. This time I’ve been slowly losing the battle.  The symptoms are still very light, but gaining a bit of ground – been almost a week-long battle in my body and I am still only barely sick. Tonight I had a moment of weakness which will surely cost me dearly in the battle, but it was just so enjoyable that i don’t care…it looked something like this:

Starts and finishes

I have been having very intense experiences lately. It’s kind of hard for me to tell if it has to do with premonition or not, but I haven’t felt anything along these lines in about 13 years. Much thought about life and death – been cause for much anxiety. It has all made me realize just how far I really am from being at peace with my own eventual end. In fact, I rather fear that place. The thought makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin – it brings me to a place that is so hyper-rational that I essentially lose touch with my own body and lose myself in the world of ego paranoia. Because let’s be honest about something – if there is nothing after we die (not as we know ‘something’)…then it matters very little what I feel about it when the moment comes. Not only is worry useless, but the real kicker is the concern that one specific part of us has for something which it will likely never experience – it’s own annihilation.

My personal belief is one that has something enduring past the moment of death, just not anything related to our ego, or our own impression and understanding of ourselves. I believe that everything which we understand to be ourselves, that is, all that I have as a mental concept when I say the word “me” disappears. Perhaps the very core of my life essence, that same thing that makes all creatures on this planet look out from their center and BE outwardly and inwardly….that perhaps makes the journey, but there exists no identity attached to it. This is my belief. Given that this is the way that I see things, it makes that specific part of me quite anxious at the thought. Nothing on this planet wants to end. I mean that – absolutely nothing. Not a virus, not a bacteria, not an ant, not a plant, not a dog, not your brother or your grandmother or your son or even you. This is why everything struggles in the face of its own demise. This is why you need to take antibiotics for the full seven days, hehe. I’m certain that once we have the science to show us – we will learn that everything has some sort of consciousness of itself, and fights for its survival without really knowing why or for what…just that it wants to be.

One last thing. I have seen one thing. Life gets more powerful as death circles. The moments that I have had in this lifetime (not many) that have had me at that precipice have been the ones when I clearly felt more alive than ever. As if the two (life and death) crystallize one another…..Jesus Christ said that in order to be reborn into this world, one must die first – I’m not sure that people (myself included) realize what this means. I do not see a difference between the death of the ego and physical death because the experience would undoubtedly be the same for the part of us which worries about it.

Getting the crap out

I’ve started a new cleanse recently. It will be a 30 day cleanse of my insides – getting all the crap out literally. Each day when I wake up I take 1 tbs Psyllium and 1 tbs Bentonite clay

I also take the same thing before going to bed at night. Here’s a description of how to do it:
www.eytonsearth.org/bentonite-psyllium-colloid.php
and
www.curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=120380
Anyways, it is not my first cleanse but it feels as if it will be very successful and leave me feeling more alive. As I quit cigarettes after having smoked for 15 years, I would like to get rid of accumulated toxins in my system. This is a good step.